A Gentle Murmuring
by The Migratory Lime
Summary: Sam hears Dean praying to Castiel after the events of "Torn and Frayed".


A gentle murmuring coming from behind Dean's closed bedroom door was just weird enough to pull Sam out of his research-induced stupor. Unless his brother was listening to music usually the room was dead silent, which meant Dean was probably on a phone call. And since there weren't too many people either of them talked to anymore, odds were it was Kevin. Pushing himself up out of his chair, Sam headed for his brother's room. Maybe the kid had finally cracked the second trial. The thought was as exciting as it was terrifying.

As Sam closed in, though, it became apparent pretty quickly that Dean wasn't on the phone. The voice coming through the door was too soft. Too reverent. Dean didn't speak to anyone that way. Certainly not to Kevin. Knowing he shouldn't, but too curious not to, Sam pressed his ear against the door and listened.

"…I don't like to think about where you might be. And after what you said back in the motel…" Dean paused. "Just come back to us. Alright? I can't lose you again."

The room went silent again and Sam moved away from the door. He knew that Dean had been trying to reach Cas on and off since he'd disappeared, but he never realized just how worried his brother was. Dean sounded panicked, almost, or at least as panicked as he was capable of sounding. Sam was worried too, but this was different. It was strange. Over the last four years Sam had come to understand that whatever it was between Dean and Cas was a whole lot deeper than anything he had ever experienced himself, but he was beginning to think that even after so long, he still didn't quite have a grasp on the truth.

The relationship between himself and Dean had been strained lately, to say the very least. But that didn't change the fact that Dean was his brother, and if he was upset… Before Sam could change his mind, he knocked hesitantly.

"Yeah?" Dean called from the other side.

Sam pushed the door open slowly. Dean was sitting on the edge of his bed trying hard to look aloof, but Sam knew better. His brother's expression seemed to fall almost immediately, calm turning back to quiet worry.

"Look, uh…" Sam leaned against the doorframe and crossed his arms, "I know it's not really any of my business, but… You want to talk about Cas?"

"Dude," Dean scrubbed a hand across his stubble, looking slightly embarrassed but not angry. "Were you seriously eavesdropping?"

"I thought you were on the phone with Kevin," Sam explained. "It wasn't on purpose."

Dean sighed and fell back against his sheets, resting his hands on his stomach. He looked tired. "I'm worried about him, Sam."

"So am I," he agreed, stepping inside and making his way over to Dean's desk.

"It's not normal, though," Dean insisted. "Guy disappears for days on end, _that's_ normal. Weeks on end, I start to get a little… You get the point. But Sammy, last time me and him talked—and I mean _really_ talked—dude was pretty much suicidal. Now someone's controlling him and he's killing angels, I…" Dean let out a long breath and did not allow his eyes to stray from the ceiling. "Son of a bitch."

"Suicidal?" Sam repeated, stunned.

He hadn't known anything about that, but then Sam wasn't the one with the profound bond. Odds were Dean knew a lot about Cas that Sam didn't.

"He didn't want to go back to Heaven," Dean explained, unmoving as Sam sat down in the desk chair and turned to face him. "He didn't want to see what he'd done to it. Then all of a sudden he's supposed to be going up there _willingly_ to take Alfie's body back?" Dean shook his head. "He was afraid he might kill himself. There was no way he'd go back on his own unless—"

He stopped and Sam could see the quiet panic spread across his features again. He felt bad for even asking. He had no idea Cas would ever even _consider_ something like that, and Sam couldn't figure out how Dean managed to keep from snapping, having known all along.

That was his brother, though. If Sam hadn't come in, Dean probably would've kept the truth to himself until he died.

"Dean," Sam hesitated, not knowing what else to say. "I'm sorry."

"Yeah, me too."

The two of them sat in silence for a long while, Dean staring at the ceiling and Sam staring at Dean. He'd seen this brokenness in his brother before. It was the kind that only came with emotions concerning Cas. He'd seen it when Cas betrayed them. He'd seen it when Cas 'died' the year before. He'd seen it when Dean thought Cas had been lost to purgatory. It was a brokenness that only surfaced when the situation was as bad as it could possibly be, and Sam didn't know for the life of him how to fix it.

"Dean," Sam began, uncertain of how to phrase his question. "Are you and Cas—" He stopped. That was stupid. Intrusive. It was none of his business. He brushed it off quickly. "Nevermind."

"Are we what?" Dean asked, propping himself up on his elbows and looking his brother dead in the eyes.

Sam squirmed a little under his brother's unwavering gaze. "It doesn't matter. Forget it."

Dean huffed and fell back against the mattress, bunching his shirt up in his fists for a moment. "Yes."

"What?"

"Yes," Dean repeated. "We are." Sam's eyes widened a little, surprised. "I mean, we haven't—" Dean coughed, embarrassment apparent. "We don't. But I think we are." A long pause stretched out between them and Sam shifted a little. "I love him, Sammy."

"Then we'll make sure we get him back."

* * *

**Disclaimer: **Quite obviously, I don't own Supernatural. I just like to borrow the characters.


End file.
